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Wednesday, January 11, 2012

GOOD GRIEF is a good book

It was February 10, 1976, very late in the day and Dad was overdue for dinner again. It was nothing new. His rather flexible notions of time management often made him late for dinner. Combining that trait with a bright blue sky, a seventy-five degree day and a friend that wanted to go flying with him made a missed dinner almost inevitable. Mom would keep his plate warm in the oven and we would eat without him.

That’s when the phone rang and we learned that we would from that day on always eat without Dad. His plane had spun out of an aerobatic maneuver into the ground and he was never coming home.

Life for the Skeltons would never be the same. Nothing could prepare us for it. But there is something that could have helped us deal with the aftermath better as the years went by. It is Granger E. Westberg’s excellent little book GOOD GRIEF. I read it while on vacation and want to recommend it to you.

Westberg was a pastor, a scholar, and a chaplain who served on the faculty of the University of Chicago Medical Center as well as the Divinity School in the 1950s and 60s. In that capacity he had great exposure to the causes and results of grief and summed up with deep wisdom and skill his findings in the short, thirty-two page book that has now sold over three million copies. He dealt not only with grief through death but also with the grief generated by all kinds of losses: divorce, being fired, moving, difficulties with children, the death of dreams and many other things.

As one of Westberg’s students, Dr. Timothy Johnson, M.D., says in his foreword to the fiftieth anniversary edition, Westberg wrote “with the heart of a pastor, the insight of a psychologist, the humanity of a father and husband, and the hope of someone who has seen so many survive the process of grieving. It is simple but not simplistic. It is profound but not professorial…it describes the pathway through grieving that can only be found through honesty.”

I hope to explore some of what Westberg explains in this column over the next few months. But the best thing I can recommend, if you have suffered a loss of any kind, is to buy it and read it. GOOD GRIEF is a good book.

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

RECOMMENDING THE SEA

Turmoil. Strife. Grief. Anxiety. Are you acquainted with any of these? Ah well, if you live on planet earth you will know them from time to time. How do you soothe them? Where do you find solace? Allow me to recommend the sea.

Few things soothe a soul like the sea. A trip to the coast is an opportunity to engage with God through the majesty of his creation on a level that is difficult to achieve in a neighborhood crowded with houses or even from a tree stand in quiet woods waiting for a big buck. The sea speaks with a voice unequaled by any other element except possibly the sky – but that is an article for another day.

Standing on the shore, facing out to sea feet planted inches from the breaking waves with the world of men behind and nothing but sun, sky and water before the disordered parts of your soul begin to settle down.

I think I know why. See if you agree.

The sea is expansive. It speaks of the omnipresence of God. It is massive, huge, immense, all encompassing, filling the field of view until it disappears over the horizon. The largest ships look like tiny toys across the distant waves.

The sea tells us nothing is too big for God. Nothing happens that is outside of his perception. Nothing happens in our life that is beyond his field of view.

The sea is constant, or more accurately, constantly in motion, ever moving yet never moved. It speaks of the unchanging God. The shore is never silent. Even on dead calm days the quiet lapping of water on sand or rock is present. It is unchallengeable, indisputable, unchanging. On stormy days it reminds us of our storm tossed lives. But even then it does not change. The waves gather and curl and crash into each other and finally spill themselves onto the sand to instantly disappear, their fury spent their conflict gone. So too our lives but the sea, the life upon which all other life depends, lives on.

God is constant. God does not change. Our lives toss about, curling and crashing into one another, spending our energies in furious conflict. And then they are gone, the fury spent, the conflict finished. But God remains. He is constant.

The sea is powerful. Its purposes are never thwarted. You can feel it standing there at the top of the tide. Your visceral senses tell you, “this thing can go where ever it wants and take you along with it.” When sun and sea, pressure and temperature meet in perfect hurricane pitch nothing can stand in its way. Only God is more powerful. He marks the boundaries of the sea. It travels not one inch further than he chooses. He gathers the waters of the sea into jars; he puts the deep into storehouses. (Ps 33:7 NIV)

The sea is majestically powerful. It speaks of the omnipotent God. Nothing he has called us to is too hard for him to help us with. Nothing can reach past the boundaries he places around our lives without his permission.

The seas have lifted up, O LORD, the seas have lifted up their voice; the seas have lifted up their pounding waves. Mightier than the thunder of the great waters, mightier than the breakers of the sea-- the LORD on high is mighty. (Ps. 93:3-4 NIV)
Turmoil, grief, strife, anxiety make the list longer if you want. I recommend the sea. Nothing is too big for God. Nothing changes God. Nothing is too powerful for God.