GOOD GRIEF is a good book

It was February 10, 1976, very late in the day and Dad was overdue for dinner again. It was nothing new. His rather flexible notions of time management often made him late for dinner. Combining that trait with a bright blue sky, a seventy-five degree day and a friend that wanted to go flying with him made a missed dinner almost inevitable. Mom would keep his plate warm in the oven and we would eat without him.

That’s when the phone rang and we learned that we would from that day on always eat without Dad. His plane had spun out of an aerobatic maneuver into the ground and he was never coming home.

Life for the Skeltons would never be the same. Nothing could prepare us for it. But there is something that could have helped us deal with the aftermath better as the years went by. It is Granger E. Westberg’s excellent little book GOOD GRIEF. I read it while on vacation and want to recommend it to you.

Westberg was a pastor, a scholar, and a chaplain who served on the faculty of the University of Chicago Medical Center as well as the Divinity School in the 1950s and 60s. In that capacity he had great exposure to the causes and results of grief and summed up with deep wisdom and skill his findings in the short, thirty-two page book that has now sold over three million copies. He dealt not only with grief through death but also with the grief generated by all kinds of losses: divorce, being fired, moving, difficulties with children, the death of dreams and many other things.

As one of Westberg’s students, Dr. Timothy Johnson, M.D., says in his foreword to the fiftieth anniversary edition, Westberg wrote “with the heart of a pastor, the insight of a psychologist, the humanity of a father and husband, and the hope of someone who has seen so many survive the process of grieving. It is simple but not simplistic. It is profound but not professorial…it describes the pathway through grieving that can only be found through honesty.”

I hope to explore some of what Westberg explains in this column over the next few months. But the best thing I can recommend, if you have suffered a loss of any kind, is to buy it and read it. GOOD GRIEF is a good book.

RECOMMENDING THE SEA

Turmoil. Strife. Grief. Anxiety. Are you acquainted with any of these? Ah well, if you live on planet earth you will know them from time to time. How do you soothe them? Where do you find solace? Allow me to recommend the sea.

Few things soothe a soul like the sea. A trip to the coast is an opportunity to engage with God through the majesty of his creation on a level that is difficult to achieve in a neighborhood crowded with houses or even from a tree stand in quiet woods waiting for a big buck. The sea speaks with a voice unequaled by any other element except possibly the sky – but that is an article for another day.

Standing on the shore, facing out to sea feet planted inches from the breaking waves with the world of men behind and nothing but sun, sky and water before the disordered parts of your soul begin to settle down.

I think I know why. See if you agree.

The sea is expansive. It speaks of the omnipresence of God. It is massive, huge, immense, all encompassing, filling the field of view until it disappears over the horizon. The largest ships look like tiny toys across the distant waves.

The sea tells us nothing is too big for God. Nothing happens that is outside of his perception. Nothing happens in our life that is beyond his field of view.

The sea is constant, or more accurately, constantly in motion, ever moving yet never moved. It speaks of the unchanging God. The shore is never silent. Even on dead calm days the quiet lapping of water on sand or rock is present. It is unchallengeable, indisputable, unchanging. On stormy days it reminds us of our storm tossed lives. But even then it does not change. The waves gather and curl and crash into each other and finally spill themselves onto the sand to instantly disappear, their fury spent their conflict gone. So too our lives but the sea, the life upon which all other life depends, lives on.

God is constant. God does not change. Our lives toss about, curling and crashing into one another, spending our energies in furious conflict. And then they are gone, the fury spent, the conflict finished. But God remains. He is constant.

The sea is powerful. Its purposes are never thwarted. You can feel it standing there at the top of the tide. Your visceral senses tell you, “this thing can go where ever it wants and take you along with it.” When sun and sea, pressure and temperature meet in perfect hurricane pitch nothing can stand in its way. Only God is more powerful. He marks the boundaries of the sea. It travels not one inch further than he chooses. He gathers the waters of the sea into jars; he puts the deep into storehouses. (Ps 33:7 NIV)

The sea is majestically powerful. It speaks of the omnipotent God. Nothing he has called us to is too hard for him to help us with. Nothing can reach past the boundaries he places around our lives without his permission.

The seas have lifted up, O LORD, the seas have lifted up their voice; the seas have lifted up their pounding waves. Mightier than the thunder of the great waters, mightier than the breakers of the sea-- the LORD on high is mighty. (Ps. 93:3-4 NIV)
Turmoil, grief, strife, anxiety make the list longer if you want. I recommend the sea. Nothing is too big for God. Nothing changes God. Nothing is too powerful for God.

YOUR PLACE IN THE UNIVERSE

Col 1:16-17 For by him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him. He is before all things, and in him all things hold together. (Colossians 1: 16-17 NIV)

Have you ever considered your place in the universe?

Everyone that takes the time to reflect: to stand on the seashore and feel his own insignificance, to walk in the forest and be overwhelmed by the complexity and beauty of the natural world, to stand ant-like amidst the majesty of Yosemite Valley or the Grand Tetons knows the longing for transcendence. These places whisper to us: there is something more.

Why should we alone be the ones able to appreciate the grandeur? And why are we alone able to feel that longing and wonder where it comes from?

It’s because we are made “in the image” of the Logos, the great creative mind who brings order out of chaos, beauty from simplicity, and splendor out of rocks, trees, sky and sea.

Through him all things were made. And then he became what he made. What does that tell us about who we really are?

We are not the random combination of genetic material accidentally deposited on some airless planet without a dust mite’s chance of survival. We are the brilliant creations of a fantastically powerful and singularly purposeful God who wants to know us and be known by us.

You are not junk. No one is junk. You and everyone else you will ever meet are beings of incredible value. You long for transcendence when you visit the grand cathedrals of nature because you were composed by the transcendent One, made for a relationship with him, made to dwell in harmony with him in the world that he created for us to enjoy.

That relationship, the intimacy with transcendence that we all long for, was lost in the Garden of Eden, when our first parents rebelled. The way back to that it, the door to the grandest cathedral of them all, was reopened when the babe was born in Bethlehem.

What is our place in the universe? Our place is at the cradle. Our place is at the Cross, where the door to the throne room of God was reopened and his rebellious children were welcomed home.

HAVE A COSMIC CHRISTMAS

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning. Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. In him was life, and that life was the light of men. (John 1:1-4 NIV)

Scientists face what Charles W. Petit calls a ‘fine-tuning' problem as they analyze the heavens. "The universe appears marvelously constructed to produce stars, planets, and life. Scientists have calculated that if the force binding atomic nuclei were just 0.5 percent different, the processes that forge atoms inside stars would have failed to produce either carbon or oxygen—key ingredients to life. If gravity were only slightly stronger or weaker, stars like our sun could not have formed. Yet physicists see no reason why the constants of nature are set just so. (Charles W. Petit, "The gods must be crazy," U.S. News & World Report (9-8-03)

Contemporary astronomer Allan Sandage, Edwin Hubble's successor at Mt. Wilson and Mt. Palomar observatories... told the New York Times, "I find it quite improbable that such order came out of chaos. There has to be some organizing principle. God, to me, … is the explanation of the miracle of existence, why there is something instead of nothing." On another occasion, Sandage said, "If God did not exist, science would have to invent Him to explain what it is discovering at its core." (Breakpoint with Chuck Colson, 7/14/2003)

The truth is that our ability to exist on this planet is due to the fact that the universe is balanced on a razor’s edge in order to facilitate life.

The earth-shaking thing that the apostle John tells us in the first few verses of his gospel is that the cosmos (ho kosmos in Greek, the orderly universe that we observe) was made through THE WORD (ho Logos in Greek, the organizing principle or force of life). In other words, Jesus Christ balances the universe in his hand.

John is clearly stating that the ‘Logos’ – the ultimate spiritual force behind the universe – is responsible for all that is visible. The mud you squish between your toes, the cold morning air rushing at you as you go out to crank the car, the water running through your hair as you shower all were made by Him. The fact that you and I exist in an incredibly complex yet orderly universe designed to sustain life is because this same Logos – who existed before the universe began – made it so.

The point is that the Logos created everything we can see and everything that we cannot see. He created it, he sustains it, he owns it, he rules it, nothing happens in it apart from his knowledge, and nothing can change in it apart from his permission.

And then he became material himself, a human being, an infant, totally dependent, completely identified with his creation, circling the star that he had balanced in space. That is what we call the incarnation. And that is cause for celebration.

So don’t just hand out gifts this Christmas. Go outside. Look up at the stars. Contemplate all that you see. And have a Cosmic Christmas.

BEWARE BLACK FRIDAY

“Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; a man’s life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions.” Jesus (Luke 12:15)

One of FCC’s regular attendees, who works in a well-known department store, mentioned something last Sunday that made me gasp. “I have to be at work at 2:00 AM next Friday morning.”

Then this morning, at the teen ministry I co-sponsor at the local middle school, one of the kids said, “I can’t believe it. My mom is waking me up at 1:00 AM Friday to go shopping!”

I confess that I am not a serious shopper. I know that it is sensible to try to save money by taking advantage of sales. But let’s be honest about this: Black Friday is a Greed Fest, a singularly American celebration of buying and selling that rivals any other holiday on the calendar. (Note: Holiday is a word derived from Holy Day – a special day for celebration of the deity). Our dedication to getting THE DEAL on the latest trendy toy or 4G gadget is so fanatical that we will stand in line in sub-freezing temperatures at two in the morning and then literally run over each other for the limited supply of DOOR BUSTING BARGAINS! (Lucky for you southerners this year, the temps will be mild).

Let’s not kid ourselves: this is worship. Worship includes sacrifice, adoration and celebration. Fanatical dedication to Black Friday shopping has all the ingredients. There is sacrifice: Can you remember the last time you got up at two in the morning to pray or give or serve or go to a worship service? There is adoration: “Wow! I’ve always wanted one of these!” And there is celebration: “Can you believe it? What a DEAL I got!” We don’t like to admit it but this kind of activity is what worship is made of. It is the great American sin that we never condemn. But the apostle Paul puts it right up there with the sins we do condemn.

Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. Because of these, the wrath of God is coming. You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these…( Col 3:5-8 NIV)

One day in the department store is no different from any other. Shopping on Friday is not a sin. Looking for bargains is not transgression. And if you are going shopping on Friday I hope you find what you’re looking for. But beware the ethos of Black Friday – the culture that celebrates the abundance of possessions as life’s highest good. There is much, much MORE to life than finding Friday’s best bargains.

HERMAN, JOE AND THE REST OF US

Deut 19:15 One witness is not enough to convict a man accused of any crime or offense he may have committed. A matter must be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses. (NIV)

I’m a news junkie. I read two newspapers, two news magazines, and multiple news websites daily. So even though I would like to I can’t avoid seeing at least the headlines of some pretty scurrilous stuff. If it is shallow and salacious (read: Michael Jackson and Kim Kardashian) it gets skipped. But if it is serious it gets analyzed.

The allegations against Herman Cain are pretty serious stuff. Do we want a man like that, if he is like that, in the highest office in the land? And what about Penn State Coach Joe Paterno? Is he the icon of integrity that he has preached and promoted? Or is he a bum who sold out helpless kids in order to protect his football program?

Or is the truth about both men, both situations, something none of us really knows? I believe it is.

I had a taste, just a tiny taste once, of Washington Politics, and I saw the viciousness of those whose summum bonum is power. It would not surprise me to find that the charges against Cain are fabricated.

And I once had a good friend, a colleague in the church choir, who to my utter shock and surprise showed up on NBC’s “To Catch a Predator” clearly caught in the act of preying on teenage girls. I learned then the deceptive power of sexual predators. It would not surprise me to learn that Joe Pa was deeply deceived by his former apprentice.

That is why I wish, I wish very deeply, that the rest of us would take these kinds of situations – where careers, character, honor, and justice are concerned – as seriously as God takes them. Over and over again, the Spirit-inspired writers of scripture quote the command stated above: “Every matter must be established by two or three witnesses.” (Nu. 35:30; Dt. 17:6-7; Matt. 18:16; 1 Tim. 5:19). And that not in the media “mob”, which cares more about eyeball counts than impartiality, but in an orderly court of law. If we did that, if we took them as seriously as God takes them, we would grieve over the possibility that men could be guilty of such evil, we would pray more often to be delivered from it, and we would wait for truth to be established before we take up stones to throw.

DID DAVID AND JONATHON HAVE A HOMOSEXUAL RELATIONSHIP?

DID DAVID AND JONATHON HAVE A HOMOSEXUAL RELATIONSHIP?

By Dane Skelton

I grieve for you, Jonathan my brother; you were very dear to me. Your love for me was wonderful, more wonderful than that of women.

"How the mighty have fallen! The weapons of war have perished!" (2 Sam 1:26-27 NIV)

Some people in the homosexual community have found in this passage (and others in 1 Samuel, see below) support for their lifestyle: that David and Jonathon had a homosexual relationship. It says something about the desperate need for validation in “gay” society that it would go to such lengths as to ascribe homosexual behavior to two of the most revered characters in scripture.

But the people who take that position are doing something that is called isogesis: Reading into a passage of scripture something that comes from your culture or point of view. I suppose all of us are guilty of that from time to time. But isogesis is always wrong and usually destructive to sound doctrine and healthy living. What we want to do instead is known as exogesis: Reading out of scripture what is actually there. Accurate exogesis, and therefore interpretation, takes into account the historical and cultural setting of the people in the story as well as its original readership, the vocabulary and grammar in use at the time, as well as the type of literature and its context. The goal is to understand what the writer actually said, what it meant to the first readers, and how that meaning translates to our time.

Here then is a brief exposition of 2 Samuel 1:26 with the earlier passages taken into account.

Vocabulary and Grammar - 2 Samuel 1:26 “Your love for me was wonderful…” – The standard Old Testament verb for sexual activity is ya-da (Note: I cannot reproduce the proper Hebrew punctuation marks). It is never used to describe the relationship between Jonathon and David. However, the Hebrew noun for love (ahaba, derived from the verb ahab) used in this sentence (and in 1 Samuel 18:3) is used about 55 times in the OT with a variety of meanings. It can mean the sexual love between a husband and wife. But it can also mean the love between a father and a son (as with Abraham and Isaac Gen. 22:2); the loyal love of a servant for his master when the servant refuses his freedom (Ex. 21:5); the love between two friends as with David and Jonathon etc. Ahab is also used in Leviticus 19:18 when God commands: “…love thy neighbor as thyself.” Finally, Dr. Bill T. Arnold, director of Hebrew studies and professor of Old Testament and Semitic languages at Asbury Theological Seminary explains the word “has important political and diplomatic connotations. Since David and Jonathon’s relationship has already been marked as a covenant sealed by their love (same word), this part of the poem is referring to the depth of that relationship.

Context – “…more wonderful than that of women.” ? How could David say that and not be referring to sex? Context is king in interpretation. The most significant thing to recognize about the context of this statement is David’s relationship to Saul’s daughter Michal. Whoever killed the giant Goliath was promised the king’s daughter in marriage (1 Samuel 17:5). That was a huge deal in that culture. (Imagine being engaged to Bill Gate’s daughter and you will get the idea). It meant wealth, power and security as part of the king’s family. But that deal didn’t work out very well for David. David did marry Michal. But Saul then gave her to another man when he became jealous of David and drove him out. Jonathon, on the other hand, made a covenant with David that he never broke, even at the risk of alienating his father the king. Little wonder then that David would refer to this noble trait in his friend on hearing of his death. Jonathon’s love was more wonderful than Michal’s.

Historical & Cultural setting – The homosexual culture, and our culture generally, tends to sexualize every relationship. Thus when we read 2 Samuel 1:26 or 1 Samuel 20:41 (…then they kissed each other and wept together) we think it was the affection of lovers instead of friends, Eros love versus Philos. Nothing could be further from the truth. Kissing between male friends and relatives was and remains a normal mode of Middle Eastern expression. On the other hand homosexual acts were universally condemned in Jewish law and culture. The laziest reading of 1 & 2 Samuel clearly reveals a writer (or writers) determined to portray David as the greatest hero Israel ever saw after Moses. It is inconceivable and totally out of sync with his purposes to depict his hero in a homosexual relationship.

Perhaps the saddest thing about this is that the relationship between David and Jonathon displays the noblest ideas of friendship, loyalty, mutual protection, mentoring and brotherly love. When it (along with other scriptures on this topic) is misinterpreted, as it has been in the homosexual community, it supplies a rationale for the exploitation of the innocent: young men, looking for affirmation and friendship, find themselves seduced into a world they never sought and robbed of the reasoned, Biblical arguments they need to escape.

I pray that this article will become a useful tool for you and for them.